You WON’T see me give up

Dear multiple sclerosis, 

I never thought I would have to deal with you. I had my whole life ahead of me. I was athletic and working towards my dream. Then my life did a 180 and I had to focus on my new normal.

All of a sudden:

You made it difficult to fall asleep at night and get enough rest.

You made it a chore to just have a shower.

You made waking up every morning wondering if I’ll have the strength or energy to follow through on your plans for the day.

You made the chances of me finding a guy, falling in love, and starting a family very slim. I’ve met guys and everything was going good until I told them I have MS. Then they aren’t interested in you and quit talking to you. Not a great feeling.

You took the ability to have a full-time job away from me. To start a life of my own. 

You took the ability to go to cabarets, parties, dances and fun functions away from me at times. Where all my friends are out having fun and I’m at home in bed because I don’t have the strength or energy to go out. 

You made it tricky to go to sporting events and concerts. I have to plan ahead and see how accessible it is, and where the washrooms are. 

You made it so I have to plan ahead on any outing. Take an Advil or something to take the edge off from being sore just to go out. 

You made it so I have to check if there will be food or drinks available where I’m going. I have to carry a backpack with extra clothes just in case I lose control of my bladder. 

You made me rely on people to do stuff for me. Took away my independence for certain things. 

You took away my ability to speak clearly at times when I am tired, I tend to slur my words. 

You made me feel embarrassed and self-conscious when I am struggling and people see me, especially the young kids who look up to me. I’m supposed to be strong for them. Be that backbone. I feel like I’m letting them down. 

Oh the joys of living with MS. Not the life I expected or wanted, but even through all the curveballs you throw in my life, I will always be positive and have a smile on my face. 

You WON’T see me give up.

- Amber, diagnosed in 2001